That afternoon Chloe was welcomed by her Grandma Anne, her Great Aunt Mary, and the Mark Vilardo family (Molly's Godfather). Everyone brought a gift for Chloe which was very unexpected, and very much appreciated. Molly even received several gifts too as the new big sister! She was so proud to show off her new baby, and I was one very happy mama.
That first night, Tim read Green Eggs & Ham to Chloe as her first book, a tradition that we started with Molly. I wondered if she would grow to love it as much as her sister. We didn't get a lot of sleep that first night, but it somehow didn't matter. I felt as if I were living in a dream, and I never wanted to return to reality.
However, reality had other plans.
We had a scheduled appointment on Tuesday to return to Rochester with Chloe to go over some important documents and to sign the official surrender papers. Our appointment was at 5 pm, which meant that we were to leave at least an hour or two prior to drop Molly off at her grandparents. We weren't too surprised to receive a call from our social worker, expecting her call to be confirming our plans for the afternoon. However, our happiness turned quickly into anxiety as Becky relayed that there was a slight delay with our finalization.
As most things in life, there are two sides to every story. Many of you know ours. We wanted to grow our family, we couldn't do it the "old fashioned way" so we turned to adoption to further our goal. To us, Chloe was an answered prayer and her birth parents were an unexpected bonus. I had never expected to feel so comfortable with the people who gave my daughter life, but to Tim and I, we felt as if God had intended for us to be a part of their lives, and we couldn't have been more happy. Looking at the situation from the perspective of the grandparents, however, was something that I hadn't anticipated.
For Nicole's parents, receving the news that their only daughter was pregnant, delivered their first (and only) grandchild, and subsequently placed her for adoption [without ever meeting her] was more than they could bear. The phone call that afternoon from our social worker was telling us that Nicole's parents arrived at the lawyer's office, where Nicole and Phil were to sign the surrender paperwork, clearly upset.
If I was not directly impacted by this news, I might have been able to more clearly understand and empathize with how they must have been feeling. But all I could think about was the worst case scenario. We would have to give her back.
Nicole's family was furious. After much screaming and sobbing on their part, Nicole agreed to give the matter 24 hours, delaying the signing of the paperwork to the next day out of respect for her parents. Her parents felt as if she was making a rash decision, not realizing that she had about nine months to weigh her options, feeling settled with her decision to place her baby for adoption.
Hearing the news that we would have to "wait and see" broke our hearts. I hadn't cried much up to this point, but the floodgates opened as I thought about the possibility that this precious miracle may not be ours.
Twenty-four hours felt like 24 years as we circled our prayer warriors through phone and text relays and social media. As time slowly passed, we rested in the knowledge that we had chosen to trust God completely through the adoptive process from beginning to end, and we were committed to trusting in Him with this hiccup as well. I knew that Chloe wasn't mine. She wasn't Tim's or Nicole's or Phil's...or even Molly's (as much as she would like to believe). She belonged to God. And only God knew what was best for her.
We didn't ask for prayers that she stay with us, but rather we asked for prayers for all of the families that had been touched by her arrival. Prayers for the families who were not selected to parent, for Nicole and Phil as they dealt with this difficult decision and for the love and support that they needed to guide them through the process, and finally prayers for the Grandparents to receive healing. Anytime I felt anxious, I would simply close my eyes and repeat "Jesus I Trust In You" until my breathing slowed and I felt at peace. As difficult as those 24-hours were to endure, I felt great comfort in knowing that He knew what was best. God was the ultimate decision-maker and I was more than happy to relinquish control.
That isn't to say that I wasn't a mess otherwise. My stomach was churning and I felt dizzy and nauseated for a greater part of the day as we waited with bated breath for the phone call telling us that everything was on schedule. As I anxiously kept checking my phone (which was finally working again) for a call or a text, I felt my tension release as we finally received word that Nicole and Phil were at the lawyer's office signing the papers.
As we drove to Rochester that evening, exhausted from the events of the past few days, we were finally able to breathe some sigh of relief knowing that we would be returning home that evening one step closer to realizing our dream. The next 30 days of waiting would not be easy, but we rested in the knowledge that God was in the driver's seat and we were more than happy to let Him guide us closer to Him.
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