We arrived at Strong Memorial Hospital around 10 am. I've been to several hospitals in my life thus far, but this one in particular was pretty amazing. Very grand in size and even had a coffee shop in the lobby, which Molly thought was very exciting. Or maybe she thought the snacks were exciting. We arrived a little early so we were able to meet with Jennifer, the social worker whom we spoke with the other day during the interview. She primarily works with the birth families so we had never met her prior to Sunday. Since Nicole and Phil were running late, we were able to start some of the paperwork prior to their arrival.
One of the documents we signed was detailing the specifics of the situation at hand. We were taking our daughter home with what is known as "legal risk." This meant, in very simple terms, that we were acting as glorified babysitters. Legally she wasn't "ours" because the birthparents hadn't officially surrendered her yet...a process by which they had to meet with a lawyer to sign additional papers removing any claim to her, thereby allowing us to adopt her. It all sounds very boring and formal, but was still very real, and a little unsettling. Jennifer assured us that the birthparents were very confident in their decision to place their baby with us so there wasn't a need to worry. There was an appointment scheduled the following day with the lawyer to meet with them to make everything official. And we had scheduled an appointment with our social worker to finalize the paperwork on our end later in the afternoon. In 24 hours, everything would be more official. The alternative option was to have the baby placed in interim care with a respite family (similar to foster care). Seeing as how the baby was to eventually become our own, we opted to take the legal risk of bringing her home with us.
But first we had to meet her!!
After Nicole and Phil arrived, and we navigated the course of an undecided toddler, we ventured upstairs to the nursery to meet our daughter. This was by far one of the most awkward moments of my life. We adore our daughter's birthparents, but we were still unsure about how to act in a situation such as this. Do we encourage them to hold her? Do we pick her up first? I was grateful to break the ice by giving them each the gifts I had chosen the previous evening. Just before they opened the gifts, they were both very excited to tell us about a tattoo that they each planned to get in honor of our daughter...an infinity symbol with a purple rose! I just about fell off my chair when I heard the description of the design and told them that they were sure to appreciate our small gesture of appreciation. I began to cry as it suddenly became clear to me that this wasn't simply a crazy coincidence. This couple and their baby were destined to be a part of us...a part of our lives...as if God had specifically hand-selected each of us as players of His beautiful story.
We knew something about the chosen color of the rose before their arrival to the hospital. Jennifer had revealed to us that Phil had frequented the hospital to meet and to hold the baby upon her arrival...something most birthfathers...or birthparents for that matter...don't usually do. It was on that first day that he held her that she was wearing a hand knit purple hat. Jennifer thought it would be a nice gesture to let them keep the hat, which we did. As well as a hospital bracelet and the blanket that she was wrapped in.
We spent about an hour taking turns holding her and taking pictures. Nicole was the only one to not hold Chloe, our chosen name for our daughter. Both of the birthparents liked the name. It is Greek for "green shoot," and was one of many names that meant "spring" or "rebirth." We chose Elizabeth for her middle name in honor of my dear cousin on my dad's side of the family, Whitney Elizabeth, who perished in a car accident in 2002. I had always wanted to honor her and knew that if I was ever to be blessed with another girl, that Elizabeth would be her middle name. The name Elizabeth also greatly appealed to her birthmother because one of the derivatives of the name is "Elsa," one of the characters made popular in the Disney movie "Frozen," which had become her recent obsession. :) Molly, who had until then wanted to name her "Bella" after my parents dog, seemed pleased with our final decision.
After changing and dressing Chloe for the ride home to Buffalo she opened her eyes wide and we were able to see how truly alert she really was. Especially at four days old...it was pretty remarkable.
Molly could not wait to meet her little sister and was happy to see that we had finally returned to the lobby. She was a very proud big sister when she gave Chloe her gift of a doll with blonde hair. After some initial photos of the two sisters, we thought it best that we feed her before packing into the car for the long drive. That is when I fell in love.
Holding Chloe for the first time in the nursery with her birthparents watching was very unsettling to me. I didn't want to appear too happy or too eager. I wanted to seem happy, but I also wanted to respect their role in her life. At one point I remember holding her and smiling at her...simply in awe of how truly precious she was. I made a comment to no one in particular that if she was even half as awesome as her birthparents were, that she was going to be a great baby. In which case, Phil, the birthfather said, "No, she's going to be a great kid because she is going to have great parents."
That was the second time I cried tears of joy that day.
After feeding and burping Chloe (oh, the joys of formula feeding), we visited with the birthparents a bit more and took even more pictures. As Tim left to bring our car around to the front entrance, Phil chose to hold Chloe one last time. After we had said our final goodbyes, I remember locking eyes with Nicole...sharing in a silent bond as mothers...and my heart began to ache for her. I nodded to her and mouthed the words "thank you," before I turned and walked to the car.
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